Brett
29-09-2004, 12:01 AM
Paddy had been drinking at his local pub in Dublin all day and most of
the night in celebration of St Patricks Day.
After many pints of the black stuff, Rick, the bartender, says "Ah,
you'll not be drinking any more tonight Paddy"
Slurring his words, Paddy replies "Ok Rick, I'll be on mi way den".
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stall and dusts himself
off.He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
"Shoite, Shoite!!!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to
the door and some fresh air then he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks
his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat
on his face.
"Bi' Jesus......i'm fockin' focked" he says. He can see his house just a
few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door
frame,opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs
and says "no fockin' way". Eventually he manages to crawl up the stairs
to his bedroom door and slurs "I can make it to the bed".
He takes a step into the room and falls flat onto his face." Fock it" he
says and manages to drag himself into bed
The next morning, his wife Jess comes into the room carrying a cup of
tea.
She says "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit of a drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' p!ssed. But how'd you know?"
"Rick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes."
The woman freed the frog and then the frog said, "Thank you,
but I failed to mention that there was a
condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will
get ten times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also
make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that
women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I
will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second
wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,
"That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be
ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because
what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I'd like
a mild heart attack."
Women are clever b*tches. Don't mess with them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I apologise for this one......
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde
jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show
her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at
work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the
house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat.He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a
fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is O K. She
replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to
prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her
fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can
and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!!!!!
*groan*
muahahahaha!!
the night in celebration of St Patricks Day.
After many pints of the black stuff, Rick, the bartender, says "Ah,
you'll not be drinking any more tonight Paddy"
Slurring his words, Paddy replies "Ok Rick, I'll be on mi way den".
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.
He falls flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stall and dusts himself
off.He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face.
"Shoite, Shoite!!!"
He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to
the door and some fresh air then he'll be fine.
He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks
his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air,
feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat
on his face.
"Bi' Jesus......i'm fockin' focked" he says. He can see his house just a
few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door
frame,opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs
and says "no fockin' way". Eventually he manages to crawl up the stairs
to his bedroom door and slurs "I can make it to the bed".
He takes a step into the room and falls flat onto his face." Fock it" he
says and manages to drag himself into bed
The next morning, his wife Jess comes into the room carrying a cup of
tea.
She says "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit of a drink last night?"
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was fockin' p!ssed. But how'd you know?"
"Rick called. You left your wheelchair at the pub."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The
frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three
wishes."
The woman freed the frog and then the frog said, "Thank you,
but I failed to mention that there was a
condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will
get ten times more or better!" The woman said, "That would be okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the
world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also
make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis, that
women will flock to." The woman replied, "That will be okay because I
will be the most beautiful woman and he will only have eyes for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second
wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said,
"That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be
ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That will be okay because
what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
The frog then inquired about her third wish and she answered, "I'd like
a mild heart attack."
Women are clever b*tches. Don't mess with them.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I apologise for this one......
This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde
jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show
her husband that blondes really are smart. While her husband is off at
work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the
house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets
down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of
paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the
floor in a pool of sweat.He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a
fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is O K. She
replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to
prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by
painting the house. He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her
fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can
and they said....
FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS!!!!!
*groan*
muahahahaha!!